To prevent my human slave from a sound sleep, I have devised a fool-proof strategy. It has yet to fail me. Here is a step-by-step guide.
1. Shortly after the bedroom is plunged into darkness, scratch open the wardrobe door, go inside, and start a mournful howl. This will make your human slave think you're trapped inside the wardrobe, get up from bed and retrieved you.
2. Once she has settled back into bed, walk to the bedroom door and meowed. She'll think you want to go out of the room. When she gets up and opens the door for you, trot back to the wardrobe.
3. Wait until she has snuggled under her comforter again, then hop onto the bed and swipe her hand. If she does not respond, give it a quick, hard bite. That bite is guaranteed to get her to open her eyes and talk to you.
4. If she still goes back to sleep, lie down next to her. Position your body in such a way that she has no room to turn without squashing you. Lying stiff on her back, she'll be too uncomfortable to fall asleep.
5. If she still manages to fall asleep, bite and pull her hair.
6. If that still doesn't work, jump on her like a trampoline.
You know you have succeeded in depriving her of a sound sleep when she staggers out of bed the next morning bleary-eyed and brain-dead.
