Thursday, 6 January 2011

The Pros and Cons of Married Life

Disclaimer: This post is nothing but the ramblings of someone who has nothing better to do than to self-indulge in some mindless drivel. It does not contain any useful information. Reading it will not make you better-informed. Rather, the contents might contain harmful elements to your sanity. If you still wish to go ahead and read it, do so at your own risk. You have been forewarned......

Humans are like cows. The grass on the other side of the fence is always greener. It's not unusual to hear someone who is married complained that they wished they were not married, while those who are single wished to join themselves to someone for better or worse.

As a married woman of eight years, I feel I am qualified to list the pros and cons of married life as well as include some tips on how to overcome them, where applicable.

First, the disadvantages of married life:

1) You'll always have a dinner companion. No tips. Still mulling it over.

2) You'll always find that you are squeezed to the edge of your King-sized bed as the elephant of the house occupies the centre while in deep sleep. Have a sharp pin on the ready beside your pillow and when that happens, prick the elephant in the arm with it. Don't worry about hurting the elephant even if he yowls, the skin is too thick to suffer any serious damage.

3) You're forever on your knees helping your spouse look for his missing socks. There are three options here. One, you could paint his feet, from toes to ankles, to look like they're wearing socks so no socks will be required anymore. Two, you could string all his socks together and put them around his neck so he knows where they are at all times, even when he's at work in the office. Or, as a last resort, you could chop off his feet and save him from having to wear socks. 

The advantages of married life:

1) You'll always have someone to tell you you're fat (even if you don't think you are) and proudly call you his cow.

2) You'll know the Apocalypse hasn't come in the dead of the night when you hear the snores from the other side of the bed.

3) You'll always have a guinea pig to experiment your recipes on.

4) You'll always have a free plumber. You only need to holler when the sink clogs up. But do get a pail and mop ready in case the plumber decides the quickest way to unclog the sink is to simply open the bottom cover.

5) You'll always have someone looking over your shoulder as you go about your life to make sure you haven't dropped dead standing up or sitting down with your eyes opened.

The advantages are not limited to the above, but I think you would have got the idea now --- it's far more advantageous to be married than not. 

P/s: This is a tongue-in-cheek post and in no way does it reflect my relationship with my husband. I love my Mr. Potato lots! He's a GREAT hubby!   :)


lupie said...

I love the pin idea!!
This really make me laugh and it is so true!!! Hahahahah!

Vivien Lim said...

glad you enjoying your life with the other half........ :)

ManekiNeko said...

If I had a husband who persistently called me fat and referred to me as his Cow, I think I would barbecue him on the grill.* HA! Who's beef now, Bucko?!?

This sort of thing may be why I do not have a husband.

*Yes, I am vegetarian, but even we foliage-eaters can snap under enough pressure.